No More Mr. Nice Guy

 I just started listening to No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover and I immediately realized that I am undeniably a "nice guy."

Some things of note right off the bat:

I have issues with love, sex and relationships as well as my potential, actualization and being fulfilled.

I mask my intentions to manipulate others while still trying to be liked.

I give more than I receive because I believe that if I don't give, people won't want me around.

I have a skewed paradigm that has lead me to believe that being nice and putting others before myself would end up leaving me fulfilled and happy.

I will need to radically change the way that I think and behave to break the "nice guy" paradigm.

I am not the first nor the last "nice guy" and I find myself trying to be unique as a man.

I do things that I think are the right thing to do rather than what makes me feel good.

I use logic instead of emotion in the most important and emotional decisions of my life.

I seek validation, especially from women, which leads my further away from my true self.

I try to fix other people's problems because it seems easier than fixing my own.

Why would it seem rational for a man to hide/obscure or eliminate certain things about himself and try to become something different unless there was a compelling reason for him to do so?

It shouldn't but does. I was raised to believe that many men are toxic because of the way they put themselves first. I watched my father abuse my mother (and vice versa) for years in the "nice guy" paradigm instead of just being who they really wanted to be. They have since gone to therapy and solved many of their issues but the scars of watching that really fucked me up and still has lingering effects in my life. I will try to people please in order to not become the focus of someone's rage/anger. Even though the problem is with them, I make it about myself by people pleasing and not trying to step on anyone's toes, lest they lash out at me. I guess that recognizing other people's problems being the sources of their behavior, not mine, is something I've accomplished but I haven't repurposed that information into a new paradigm. I finally have compelling reason to change. I have been over supported and coddled my whole life by nice people who want me to succeed as they would see my failure as a poor reflection of themselves rather than my own failure to make my own way. I am deeply in debt and am not making enough money to support myself or feel confident. This is affecting my mental/physical health and making myself less desirable in the grand scheme of things. I use drugs to cope. I am a needy/selfish/petty lover who has ended up 30 and alone because of my "nice guy syndrome."

Why do people try to change who they really are?

I change who I am because I have a flawed vision of who society wants me to be and a very weak sense of self. I see the value in who I am but have not taken steps to become and integrated man. I run from my problems and blame others for getting theirs while silently and complicitly taking it up the ass from the world. I lack direction and will do better.

I can sit and self-evaluate and shit on myself all day long, I've done it my whole life. For the first time in my life, I can face all these things and I'm not upset. I'm not going to be the same person I've been. I'm not going to try harder in the same system that's lead me to be broken and I'm surely not going to be patient and hope everything works out for me. IT HASN'T AND WONT WORK, I AM THE PROOF OF THAT.

So no more Mr. Nice guy. I'm going to speak my mind. NEVER GIVE UP, ALWAYS LET GO.